In Dilemma
I know I haven't been updating my blog since I came back from kampong.. I've been very tired since then. Rian is getting more cranky now. He cries out loud if he wants to sleep and if his milk is late. He now needs immediate attention before his loud cry. Taking care of Rian has been 24hr job for me.. My trip back to kampong really test my bond with my baby.. I miss him so much. I'll call back home now and then to know what he's doing.. I brought along his photo album and I myself dunno how many times I view it in a day. Reached back home, he's sleeping.. and when he's awake I was there looking right thru his eyes. And u know wat, he gave me a kind of look.. Not too sure what but I know he miss me too. Tears flow from my eyes like a kid crying.. I hate myself for leaving him in the care of my mum too long (2 nites is really long for me..)Since then, I've been taking care of him with less help from mum. Before this I'm kinda depending on her. And most of the time, she wud complaint this and that.. As usual I wud put my ears to deaf. But now, I kinda give thots abt it.. I'm not too sure whether her help is sincere or simply giving her burden to take care of Rian. I'm sure if she's sincere in taking care of grandson, she won't be complaining so much. Well, I dunno.. But this is how I felt.
In less than 2 weeks time, I'm going back to work.. I'm so worry of leaving Rian in the care of my mum. I dun want to hear anymore complains from her.. It hurts. I dun wish to burden her wif the existing of my baby. *sigh* I really dunno wats in her mind. But of coz, I wud want to take care of my baby and watch him grow in front of my eyes every second.. Quitting my job is the 2nd option which means no income for me.. *sigh* I really cant decide.. Something needs to be done..
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